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SsslytherinGirl's Harry Potter Fanfiction Archive

May 3rd, 2007

Cup of Coffee @ 08:59 pm

Current Location: Homeworkville
Current Mood: tired Tired but Busy
Current Music: Garbage - "Cup Of Coffee"

Cup Of Coffee
By SsslytherinGirl

Rated: PG-13
When Severus breaks up with Harry Potter, Harry falls deeper and deeper into depression and darkness. When do dreams turn to nightmares? Because that thin line has been crossed.
Suicidal themes, drug use, angst, sensitive issues, chan, slash
J. K. Rowling owns everything pretty much. ‘Cept for the title and the song lyrics, they are both from the song 'Cup of Coffee' by Garbage.
Notes: This is based loosely off of the HP Fanvid by BigMamaG: Cup Of Coffee


“Potter,” came that familiar sneer, “Are you going to drink you’re coffee or just stare at it... Are you asleep?”

Harry slowly looked up at his Potions Master, blinked, and then took a small sip of his coffee.

Coffee was Sev’s drink. Not his. His was tea. But his stupid lover had gotten him hooked on the stuff, but for some reason, he wasn’t really up to coffee that morning.

“Potter...” Harry looked up at Severus, his emerald eyes blood shot, probably from lack of sleep. “I need to speak with you...”

Harry tried rather hard to comprehend what Severus was saying and half-spoke, half-yawned, “I’m all ears, Sev.”

Severus closed his eyes, taking a long sip of his coffee, as if to delay what he was going to say. “I want you to leave.”

Harry didn’t seem to hear him; he just blinked and took another long sip of coffee, before looking back up at Severus. “I’m sorry, Sev. What did you say?”

Severus seemed to let out a small sigh of annoyance before saying, slower than before as if speaking with a rather slow child, “I. Want. You. To. Leave.”

Harry blinked again before looking away, “When... When do you want me to come back down?” he asked, though he knew it was a rather stupid question.

Severus remained unphased however, just taking another sip from his mug. “I don’t...” was the soft whispered reply.

Harry blinked again before standing and walking to the door, turning to look back at Sev at the doorway. “I love you...” he breathed, hopelessly.

Severus had a death grip on his mug, and was looking into it instead of at Harry. Instead of returning the sentiment, he merely repeated, “I don’t...”

Harry fled from the dungeons.


 You tell me you don’t love me
Over a cup of coffee
And I just have to look away


Harry wouldn’t look up from his cauldron at potions. Today, he decided to sit in the very back, but it wasn’t far enough. He wanted to disappear, go away, and die in his unhappiness. I’m being melodramatic, stop that. There was nothing between us and never will be... Idiot!

Sev- Snape passed by his cauldron, stopped, and sneered down at it. “Another pathetic excuse for a potion I see, eh, Potter,” he spat. Harry didn’t look up. “Look at me when I’m talking to you, Potter!”

Harry looked up at him, and all the hatred, all the guilt, all the confusion, all the unrequited love showed through his bright green eyes. If he didn’t know better, he would have seen a little satisfied sneer. “Good, Potter. Clean up the contents of that utter catastrophe before it kills someone.

“Would it really kill someone if they were to drink this, sir?”

Snape raised an eyebrow, obviously trying to find something in the sentence to spite him for, and not finding anything, simply replied, “It’s very well possible, considering your... Expertise.” When Snape had his back turned, Harry filled a vial with the potion and stored it in his robes.


A million miles between us
Planets crashing to dust
I just let it fade away


“Harry? Where’ve ya been?” I looked up from the fire in the common room that I had been staring at for the past... He looked at his watch quickly before looking back at Hermione, who sat beside him... Ten minutes it seemed.

But of course, sitting in front of the fire for ten minutes seemed like no time at all, considering he spent their free period after Potions and most of lunch, lurking in the dungeons. And the entire afternoon into late night, but no one needed to know that.

But how was he supposed to say that exactly? What was he supposed to say exactly? It’s not like he could tell them that Snape had... Broken up with him? Sounds too juvenile but it’s the only word for it. Well, it’s not like he could tell them that when they didn’t even know that he and Snape had been together!

“Wha? Oh, I was, er... In my boy’s dorm... I had a headache so I went to lie down for a bit, is all.” Hermione seemed to buy it.

“If you say so Harry... You gonna head up to bed?”

Harry grimaced a bit. “Umm... No, I think I’m gonna sneak down to the kitchens and grab something to eat, since I missed lunch and dinner. I still have a bit of a headache, too.”

“Okay then... See ya later, Harry.”

And then Harry was left alone, and moments later, the fire crackled to no one as Harry had left the common room, without even a second thought, or the idea to get his cloak.

He padded downstairs and out of sight down the hallway. He had intended to go to the kitchens, he really did! But somehow, he ended up outside the Potions Classroom, peering inside.

The lights were on, so he must be inside... But Harry couldn’t see him. What he were going to say, he didn’t know, but he knew he wanted to say something!

‘Hey, I think it’s great you’re an egotistical bastard who never gave a damn about anyone but himself and broke my heart into a thousand damned pieces, but I hope we can still be friends!’ Yeah, that would be wonderful...

With a small sigh, Harry kept walking past the classroom without another word, heading to the kitchens.


I’m walking empty streets hoping we might meet
I see your car parked on the road
The light on at your window
I know for sure that you’re home
But I just have to pass on by


Dobby was happy to see him, though. “Harry Potter is here! Harry Potter! Dobby is so happy to see you, sir!” Harry just smiled and before he could actually say what he wanted, Dobby had brought him a large tray of sandwiches, a Butterbeer, and a small supply of napkins.

“Thanks, Dobby,” Harry said, lacking his normal enthusiasm, afraid his heart would lurch up through his through if he opened his mouth too wide.

“Is Harry Potter feeling okay? Did Dobby do something? Dobby must go lay in the oven, sir!” Dobby started to scurry off but Harry called after him.

“Dobby! It’s not you... It’s... I should go.”

Harry seemed to glide out of the kitchen, as if her were a ghost, and continued down the corridor. In the dark. He had forgotten his wand as well.

So when a light suddenly appeared behind him, he almost tripped in his haste to turn around, eyes fixed on the sneer the wand point illuminated.

Potter,” Snape said, viciously, “Out after curfew? Pity... Let’s say, fifty points from Gryffindor, think that’ll do? Oh my, I’ve forgotten, you don’t think. You never think.”

Harry was rooted to the spot, in absolute horror. “I think, sir,” he started, venom in his voice that surprised him, “That you never minded when I was ‘out after curfew’ before.”

Snape’s expression never faltered. He just hissed, “An even hundred then.”

Harry winced at that, and Snape seemed satisfied. He turned and his cloak billowed around him, and Harry yearned to reach out to him, but forbad himself to do it.

“G’night, sir...”


So no of course we can’t be friends
Not while I’m still this obsessed
I guess I always knew the score
This is how our story ends


“Harry?” Harry turned from my spot in the Hog’s Head to see Hermione, looking extremely worried. He couldn’t imagine why she would be worried though.

“Oh, ‘ello, Hermione? Fancy a smoke?” I held up the pack of cigarettes that Severus used to smoke.

“Harry... Since when do you smoke?” she asked, waving her hand to dissipate some of the smoke that Harry puffed out.

“Same time I started to drink,” Harry said, as if it were obvious, swishing the fire whiskey in his mug around a bit, before taking a large gulp of it.

“Harry... Are you okay?” she asked, before she was interrupted by a tall, older man in a cloak that hid his face.

“Pardon me, but...” he said, in a gruff voice.

Harry just nodded and stood, like nothing was out of the ordinary, as the older man grabbed him by the arm, his long fingernails cutting into Harry’s flesh a bit. But Harry didn’t wince, it was as if he were numb.

“Harry?! What’s going on?”

“Be back tomorrow...” the older man growled a bit, “Maybe,” Harry added, before the older man dragged him from the pub, and he disappeared from sight.


I smoke your brand of cigarettes
And pray that you might give me a call
I lie around in bed all day just staring at the walls
Hanging round bars at night wishing I had never been born
And give myself to anyone who wants to take me home


Harry didn’t go to potions class. Or any other class for that matter. His teacher’s were all noticing, and Snape seemed rather smug about it all. When they met in the corridor, Snape would tear Harry apart in every way he could, and Harry just stood there. When he thought Snape was out of range he would merely say, “Nice to see you too, sir” or “Good-bye, sir.”

Harry started carrying a pocketknife around. And everyone noticed. But no one dared to say anything to the unstable boy.

But they did say something when he started wearing a necklace. A necklace that had a little vial on it. A necklace with a potion on it. But he merely looked dazed, like he had for the past few weeks, and said, “What necklace?” When they insisted he was wearing a necklace, he would declared them insane and go back to what he was doing.

Snape was watching him carefully, looking triumphant, and that too did not go unnoticed.


So no of course we can’t be friends
Not while I still feel like this
I guess I always knew the score
This is where our story ends


Harry wasn’t at breakfast that day. Or lunch. Nor dinner for that matter. He just stood atop the astronomy tower, looking down, wearing a black cloak that was way to big for him, and obviously not his.

It was Severus’. It smelled like Severus. It felt like Severus. He hadn’t left him, he was right there, within that cloak, Harry knew it. That’s why he couldn’t jump. He made his way back to the common room, and Ron and Hermione cornered him.

“Harry...” Ron began, looking over his friend, “Are you okay? You’ve been acting odd lately.”

“And you’ve been wearing a potion around your neck on a necklace...” Hermione added.

“And you’ve been skipping classes...”

“And look how skinny you’ve gotten! And you were skinny enough as it were, Harry.”

“And smoking! Honestly, Harry, such a filthy habit. Only Muggles smoke!”

Harry actually laughed in spite of himself. The fact that he had picked up the habit from his lover, and that Snape would hardly do anything associated with Muggles made him laugh. So he laughed, and he didn’t care who heard.

Harry’s things were out of his room that night. There were rumours that he was staying in Hogsmeade, but no one knew for sure. Hermione and Ron wrote persistently, and at first he had replied to them all with “Leave me alone” but the letters kept coming to him, and replies never were sent back.


 You left behind some clothes
My belly summersaults when I pick them off the floor
My friends all say they’re worried
I’m looking far too skinny
I’ve stopped returning all their calls


Harry awoke in the room he had in the Hogs Head, sharing it that night with a rather old and ugly, yet rich, hag. He walked out of the room in his boxers, gliding into the bathroom and leaning on one of the sinks. After putting the water on and puking, he looked up at his reflection.

He looked terrible, to put it mildly. He was pale as a vampire, his eyes were bloodshot and had huge bags under them. He held onto his potion vial, removing it from around his neck and uncorking it.

“Would it really kill someone if they were to drink this, sir?”

“It’s very well possible, considering your... Expertise.”

He smiled gravely, uncorking the bottle and taking one last look in the mirror. He raised the vial as if toasting and said, “To Severus Snape,” before downing the disgusting drink in one gulp, his stomach heaving instantly.

His vision swam, and became cloudy as he held onto the sink for support before slipping to the ground and into darkness.


 And no of course we can’t be friends
Not while I’m still so obsessed
I want to ask where I went wrong
But don’t say anything at all


“Potter,” came that familiar sneer, “Are you going to drink you’re coffee or just stare at it... Are you asleep?”

Harry bolted upright from the uncomfortable slouched position he had just been in. Asleep was the first word that registered in his mind. Asleep...

He felt something poking him in the side and he reached into his pocket, to take out an empty, crystal, potions vile.

Harry thought he was going to be sick to his stomach, and he stood and practically lunged for the door.

“Sev’, I need to speak with you...” he said, leaning on the door for support.

“I’m all ears, Harry,” Severus said gently, taking a prolonged sip of his coffee.

“I want to leave,” Harry said, plainly.

Snape appeared not to hear him, putting his mug down before saying, “I’m sorry, Harry. What did you say?”

Harry spoke up and said a little more firmly, “I want to leave.”

Snape seemed a bit confused at this and simply said, “When do you want to come back down?”

Harry looked away, and right before he slipped out the door muttered, “I don’t.”

Severus was left alone in his rooms once again, and whispered to the empty air, “I love you...”

And the air, which was probably as lonely as he himself was, only carried Harry’s echo, “I don’t.”


It took a cup of coffee
To prove that you don’t love me


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Date:October 20th, 2010 04:49 am (UTC)
it's so saaaaadd.... but i love it

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